ABSTRACT DIARY

I love this song,sang by R.kelly,,,i can relate to this song,thats why i love it ,,whenever i feel sad ,,i listen this ,,it gives me comfort,,,so sharing it with u,,,,
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
Hey, cuz I believe in me,
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

let's talk abt flying. Flying is something i am in love with.once its liking crossed the boundries but now it comes in its boundries again.i love aircraft,aeroplanes and helis and stuff like that. u must think i m freak ,,may be i m. Not preety much sure abt it.i have heard and seen that those who failed in worldly love ( ishq-e-mijazi) get a chance to be involved in real love (ishq-e-haqiqi),,may Allah give me chance to be involved in that,,,,

so we were talking abt flying,,once i got a chance ,,chance to be part of my favourite organization as fighter pilot but i failed...years back one day i decided if i get a chance and i would get failed then i would commit suicide but when i realy failed i didn't commit any suicide ,,because i think i m not that type of person or so....,,so i gave up that nasty idea,,,,but the love of flying is still with me and will be with me all the time,,,,but i know for sure that life is not all abt flying,,u have to see life in braoder terms,,life is a test ,,,i m not feeling well at this time ,,,it happens when i hear abt the death of someone,,,yesterday i heard abt a death of one of my neigbourer . he was quite young,,,in his early twenties,,,he had been fighting with the throat cancer from a year or so,,,when yesterday i heard abt his death,from then i has been thinking abt the death and that guy,,,,even i don't know him,,this happen to me and ,,may be it happen with every one,,,will share my thoughts abt flying in future
bye,,

I got up on time even a bit earlier,and it is quite rare in this month because of vacation I usualy get up very late some time 11:00 or 12 :00.but today is a special today,,yeah,,,match in my city karachi.i usualy like to watch matches on T.V. so watched the whole match on TV

Today is a holiday for students,,it can only happen in karachi. the nosie spectaters were making was realy good . and just then the carnage started . a carnage from pakistani batsmen towards english bowlers. Afridi was playing realy well,,silly run out. And pakistani popoye the sailor " Razzaq "...he is definately the best hitter in the death over. Thank God karachi hosted an international match safely. i don't know who the hell created the fuss that karachi is the most dangerous city and blah blah blah..
on the other day i was reading the daily diary of andrew miller on cricinfo . he share his thoughs about karachi .so let me share it with u ,diary,,,

"It is a raucous city, in which everyone is on the go, and everyone is
on the make Taxi drivers have an Arabesque understanding of the
value of the pound,while little kids swarm around the innumerable
traffic lights, relentlessly tapping the stranded motorists for spare
change. Karachi is a functional metropolis in the starkest sense.
It does not exist for the benefit of its visitors, and it barely seems
to exist for itself.This is not a city that bothers with niceties,and
therein lies the mistrust that colours its reputation. The hustle,
the bustle,the slight air of cynicism. It almost reminded me of
London. Perhaps that's why Karachi is so feared.It's so much
easierto romanticise than empathise. "

hello dairy,
so as i told u that i m such an irregular person thats why i came here after two month ,,,,
so i am not feeling well nowdays ,,,even i don't have words to describe the situation,,sometime i want to lost somewhere,,,could be very dangerous if happened....i want to make myself right esp religiously,,,and i need a teacher,,someone to tell me what is right and what is wrong..,,,,
I m so down nowdays,,and there is so much i want to share with u ,diary but i don't have words,,,,it happened with everyone that there are no word to describe the situation....
i need peace .....,,,,,,
see ya again

So nowadays days are so boring,,,weather is extremely hot here ,,,so is temper. still studies is going on in university but i m not going ,,,as i do not like my university ,,,my all class mates are dumb ,,or may be it is other way around.......i m in the last year of my bechelor in Information Technology ....and after that i have a plan to do other things .....may be then i will take some interest in studies....i m a B grade student,,may be u ask why....i know i can be good at studies,,,but i never take my studies as seriously as i should,,, but kiya kero Dil nahee chata..........
let me tell u the story behind "dil nahee chata",,,,actualy from my childhood i wanted to be a Fighter pilot ,,so one day when i came back home from university my sister showed me the advertisement that pakistan airforce are recruitng girls in airforce,,,i was so happy,,,,i passed all initial tests then airforce invited some selected girls to Inter Services Selection board ,,,i was one of them,,,we spent four days there ,,those four days are best and unforgetteble days of my life,I.S.S.B tests u psychologicaly,physicaly,educationaly .....so much physical involvement there ,,,had to jump over trenches ,,had to walk on the robe,,and had to lift up heavy weight,,but i m not complaining ,,,,and a big interview...things were not going in favour of me there...and then we came back to home and the fifth day i recived a letter from I.S.S.B that u r " not recommeded "

Now three years passed but ,,( no idea what to write here )...I m living life ,,may be life is living me after that incident......i still find difficult to take interest in my educational life,,,,,,life became so hard for me ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so this is most important reason,,,,i tried so mach hard to concentrate on studies but in vein,,,,nowadays i start praying,,,,,i know only Allah can help me and after this i can help my self,,,,as someone says
"God help those who help themseleves "
now enough for today....
bye

So i found the place where i can write what i want .This is gonna be my first post to the blog),,but before this i want to tell that i am very difficult person to understand ,,,i ,myself is in proces of understanding myself,,and thats why i have very few friends ,,,,,so this is mine last year in the university,and i realy find difficult to study now,,i think i need some break........i did not sleep yesterday,,i awake whole night,,,,and nowadays it happened quite often ,,,,,i hope i will carry on this writing habit in future,,but i m such a irregular person......
These are the first abstract thoughts for my abstract diary....